Dear Diary... "Honesty"

A few years ago I was involved in a highly toxic relationship which anchored me to the feeling of worthlessness. It wasn’t a foreign feeling either. With both physical and emotional abuse present, I chose to keep it. He didn’t mean to do it, he wasn’t in the right frame of mind, he loves me… I’ll heal and we can go back to how things were or better yet I pressured him, it’s my fault. I had ever excuse in the book. It was in my nature to do anything to just go back to how things were even if it wasn’t healthy but I could manage it. I would compartmenatilze constantly as it temporarily went away, and came back like a bad dream.

I was confused and felt victim, after all it was done to me. I had a choice to leave or stay. I stayed. I always wanted to feel loved, coming from a broken home it’s what I’ve craved and being in a relationship with a highly emotional recovering addict made me feel secure. Can any of you relate? All I ever wanted was to feel validated…needed. I get asked often what’s my “why”. To share my life and journey with you, in hopes I can help you, bring you comfort, teach you or inspire you to take control of your life to do the work and put yourself front and center of your issues. I wish for no one to experience what I have. I wish for no one to feel what I do and have. And I want to share with you the growth and beauty from over coming tragedy to let you know there is a bright light at the end. You can not rewrite what was but you sure can try everyday to make a change and be that change but you have to do the work.

I decided to go down a different path in life, after slowly rebuilding my self worth non which was done by looking in a mirror and saying “I love you” rather saying what I saw. I developed true compassion for myself during 2 years spent in self improvement workshops, it was then that I had some profound discoveries. I started to fall in love with myself, wanting to protect myself, make myself happy. I was ready to start living for me… and so my journey began as I emerged myself in nature reflecting and rebuilding my min, body and soul.




Dear Friends,

I have some exciting news that I’ve wanted to share with you for some time now, but wanted to get my official certificate in hand first (which got lost in the mail and after getting it reprinted, I finally got it, and no, it wasn’t just a dream). Im so excited to share that Im officially a NASM certified personal trainer! For those of you that don’t know what that means, the National Academy of Sports Medicine is thought by many to be the top certification available through the national accredited agencies, and a world leader in fitness certification. It feels like a dream come true.

I started studying end of August last year. After purchasing the guided study and turning in work each week. I began to fall behind and had to go at my own pace. Which was hard for me to accept, but one of the best things I could have done. During that time I went through a break-up, moved, climbed mountains (literally and figuratively!), studied, worked, trained. I wrote my exam December 14th, 4 months after studying an obscene amount of work… I found out immediately that I passed. I had tears of joy… I felt relieved and accomplished. Most people study 6 months to a year for their exam with prior knowledge of exercise science. I had none… I was so stressed, and by this time overwhelmed with the amount of knowledge I was trying to retain daily. The night before I the exam, I actually forgot most of what I had studied. I quickly googled “Is it possible to study too much and forget everything” Of course there was an answer and naturally all the things I didn’t want to hear were possible!!

I have such a hard time giving myself credit (maybe you can relate?) I’ve done more in the last 7 months then the last few years, and always feel there’s more I can do. There’s moments like this where I stop and actually look at what I’ve done, and overcome— and I have to admit that Im proud of who I am and who I’ve become. I’ve been listening to motivational podcasts, and one that stood out to me said “I dare you to work on yourself for 6 months… I dare you to shut out the world, shut out all the distractions, I dare you to give up everything that’s keeping you from your dream. Write down what you need to do, to make a better life for yourself, learn something new” … And so I did, I trained, studied, worked and hiked in freezing temps so that I could become a knowledgable trainer that could help change peoples lives. Through passion, education, motivation and functional training, I soon found my niche. I’d like to take this time to say thank you to Eylene Pirez for being such an inspiration and such strong women.

But as we know life keeps moving forward and we have to keep creating new goals. So it’s time to change what I have written on those dry erase boards and take that knowledge with me.

Thank you so much for all your love, understanding, support and emails. I promise to get back to each and every one of them.



Entering a new chapter... blogging

   Have you come to a point in your life when you realize you just might  have out grown your original childhood  dream? The one  that has kept you alive, inspired you and kept you trenching on through your most challenging moments?  It was a dark yet liberating time for me.  I've been modeling and acting for the last 14 years growing up in Canada now living in Los Angeles stuck in the same dream unsure how to alter it. Scared and falling into the darkness of failure, the darkness of all the voices I've encountered telling me to give up, you're not pretty enough, you're not tall enough, you have too many issues. After taking the last 2 years  to understand and reconnect with myself diving deep into self discovery I grasped the idea that I was evolving. That my needs had  shifted. That I was healing from traumatic events, which would alter my soul and shift me into lightness.  Im finally becoming one with the idea it's ok to grow. To reassess my dreams and give myself permission to dream up new ones, and so I have inspired to build upon them. In a society and industry so unforgiving, untruthful and harsh I felt alone. Seeking truth, connection, love and inspiration. I felt the need to connect and share my stories, my love, my thoughts and my dreams with you. To encourage others to be open and allow themselves to be seen for who they are so we can lift each other up  and gently encourage others with our lives.

Have  you ever  felt you out grew your dreams? I would love to hear about it!


Premium gym memberships are they worth it?
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   Hey there! I wanted to talk to you about "premium gym memberships" and are they really worth that extra expense. I keep hearing allot of different feedback from friends. Some feel you can get the same workout from gym's like LA Fitness 24 hours etc instead of spending that extra bit at gym's like Equinox. Here's what I think. You need to do what makes YOU feel great. And If that means spending extra money on a premium gym membership then do it! Whatever gets you excited and motivated to workout! We all spend money daily on silly things like coffee, eating and drinking out, among many other things. Fitness and health is so important for your mind, body and soul. Of course it's really important to have a balance in life, and you know best what's for your budget. I believe your relationship with everything first starts with you. Make your health first priority, the rest will follow. I recently switched gyms and now train at Equinox. The facility  offers a wide range of classes and amenities. It's clean and  cosmetically appealing. There's also lots of friendly staff ready to help you out. And who doesn't like being greated by there first name ;) 

Have a great day and make your well-being priority!